I wish i could stop apologizing for the long stretches of silence....please forgive me!I promise to be more consistent...pinkie swear, but hey...i'm here and that's all that matters,right? RIIIGGGHHHTTTTT!!!! so, i've got a really interesting topic here and it's the first time this blog would dip into the choppy and figuratively shark-infested waters of love but i'm quite excited about this so...suit up and let's go for a swim!
Aaah! Love's a many splendid things...can't deny the joy it brings...but hey,what's love without a lil' drama and some complications to boot,huh?
So, i've been meditating a lot lately on the concept of "settling" and it started when a very dear friend of mine was going to date this guy who i think is absolutely wonderful...but maybe not her kind of wonderful.
First,lemme give you a brief history. This friend of mine is a gorgeous gal who's super outgoing and her idea of the kind of man she wants to be with are the likes of Boris Kodjoe and the Hemsworth brothers. but then she became really friendly with this guy who though very nice,thoughtful and so into her,was far from the looks,charm and personality of Boris Kodjoe and the Hemsworth brothers.
She seemed to like him too but i noticed that whenever he came visiting,she always fell asleep...yeah,with him there. it looked harmless at first but it became so frequent and so bad that just minutes after he walks in,she's snoozing away,leaving me and another mutual friend to keep the conversation flowing with him so he doesn't feel weird. As a matter of fact,when it's time for him to leave,he reluctantly wakes her up to say he's leaving and she mumbles her goodnight,turns to the other side and continues her snooze. Now,that's when the alarm bells went off!!!
At this point,i had to call her attention to it. funny thing is,she didn't even know what she was doing. eventually,she realized that though he was sweet,he bored her to sleep and she wasn't really attracted to him.
I truly understood what she was going through because i have been in a similar situation and in my distress,all people had to say to me was to choose substance over surface.Now blog-lings,don't get me wrong here. i'm in no way undermining substance. of course substance is absolutely important.but please don't pretend that the surface isn't as important as well.
Interestingly,there's this notion people generally have that you have to substitute one for the other...if you are looking for looks,don't expect to find depth and if you want depth,just forget about looks. Anything beyond that,you stand the risk of people saying that your standards are too high...
Question. what is the average standard?...what is the yardstick for measuring if a standard is too high or too low?...who set up the bloody standards anyway?(sorry,i said "question" as in singular but i just asked 3 questions...*snicker).
I'm going to stop here for now and continue next week since my title reads "LOVE...AND THE CONCEPT OF SETTLING!!! part 1-ish" so that means there ought to be some kind of continuation. In the meantime, the action happens down at the comments box so don't forget to drop yours. have you had a similar experience? what are your opinions on standards? what is your idea on the concept of settling?
Thank you so much for reading and as always...remain fabulous with an unquenchable zest for life.
Have an awesome weekend!
Go to bed!.. . Posting at 3:20am......
ReplyDeleteFemi Alade...
ReplyDeleteAwesome piece. You write so well. I think its veeeeery ok to have the two and very possible too. Infact, you wouldn't even want to find substance in the person if the surface is not appealing. Settling has bad consequences. One day, the person's gonna explode and let all that has been bottled up out.
ReplyDeleteInteresting piece. A lady should choose a lover who 1st n foremost, can charm her. Then, she should look at his qualities in terms of personality and character.
ReplyDeletelol @ standards. Nina, u know ladies are so confused and their standards list seem to change by the minute, i think.
ReplyDeleteIt is a hard nut to crack girl, balancing depth and look and all the 'condiments' you want. It can be exacting getting exactly what you want. The iss* with high standard is that it screens good thing out and you miss out for far too long before you finally settle for that eventually not-up-to-standard stuff you almost scorned at. And then finding out that it actually suited you all these whiles and you were being simply over-selective.
ReplyDeleteNow, the other day, I announced that I was going to go ahead and marry this girl from ---- tribe and everyone is like 'uh! you don f*ck up'. They haven't even seen the girl sef.
Interesting piece. A married pastor friend (the type u cld describe as 'S.U'; lol) once said to me, if there is no sexual attraction don't marry the person cos u might end up being sexually frustrated in marriage. Coming from him, I didn't need an oracle to make it plainer.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I can not settle for less than what I want, cos eventually it'd come out in the open sometime later and possibly have more dire consequences. I have always thought it was easy ending things at the beginning stages cos of disparities as they surface, than go further and realized your differences are irreconcilable.
ReplyDeleteI know no one is perfect and I don't expect a perfect significant other, but we all have some criterion that have to be somewhat met and then we can build on it.
Meka
Meka, you just made sense like sentence. I want to particularly point out the part you said no one is perfect... but we all have some criteria that have to be met... I always say that while there is no standard of perfection, however, there is a "perfect" person for everyone as each individual has their unique preferences and idiosyncrasies. Thank you Meka.
ReplyDelete